Occurs to me is easier to give various perspectives on my experiences over last twenty plus years doing my own research that still miss certain aspects. So here is yet another. Which makes this a post I consider behind the scenes which is labeled as such.
Like by 1999 had already built a bit of a reputation arguing with math people on Usenet. To me was weird as said was just some guy trying to figure out my own math things, but there were people there who hated me anyway. Haters are a problem better understood now. Back then their behavior was a big challenge for me.
Main thing though is had already garnered quite a bit of attention in certain kinds of obscure circles, arguing math, especially as had collapse a certainty of important math discoveries, more than once.
Last one took about 6 months before I discovered my error, after having spent months arguing with people who knew the mistake. And took as an opportunity to make fun of me with more passion, and luckily I figured it out myself. To me was lame behavior, seeing the error but not pointing it out to me. Not behavior one forgets.
Thought about giving up on math research after this stunning and very humiliating thing, and decided instead to quit caring about finding something great, and should just focus on fun! That is, I decided I should accept I enjoyed the effort, without looking for reward, which I did.
And promptly as soon as had that release and peace with continuing, invented my own mathematical technique using what I decided to call tautological spaces. Like once I relaxed, found a path which really was my own mathematical discipline. But I didn't know that then. So yeah, started singing karaoke to gain experience with public facing, around the time had a feeling eventually would need public facing skills.
But was 2002 when I knew for sure.
Then I found this clever way to count prime numbers close to what was known, but also with a neat trick that did SO much is hard to explain. But like that thing pushed me into calculus, which meant diverging from using only simple techniques, which mathematicians call elementary methods, which had decided to do at beginning of my hobby of chasing my own research started in 1995. Oh yeah, have some posts on my prime counting way on this blog. And link is here to one.
Cool thing about that was no doubts about it being correct so no possibility of repeat of previous collapse of my ideas. And hey, was with prime numbers! Figured no way that could not move things.
Then my own math discipline sent me down very weird paths, as wrote my one paper that got published, then math journal chief editor tried to delete out. And months later math journal shutdown. Or as I prefer to say, the math journal keeled over and died. Oh that was in 2004.
That was weird.
And concerned about how to know if a math argument was correct or not, still not wanting a repeat of that pain of being wrong, I came up with a functional definition of mathematical proof. Later I'd do more functional definitions, including my latest on authority. But my latest formalized one, where is written like a dictionary definition is of entertainment.
Oh yeah, so consider by 2004 had my own way to count prime numbers, and had witnessed an entire math journal implode on my one math paper finally published, and am trying to figure out what to do with my life. And NOTHING was going as expected.
But can be safe in saying that these things could not have happened without others noticing and now realize yeah, was global in a HUGE way, at least in math circles for sure. But not much official that I could see and YES was bugging mathematicians. And getting nowhere through it all.
In 2005 went to San Francisco, California, USA and was the BEST thing in many ways, but in lots of ways I was an emotional mess.
My ego was stroked by the global attention which I could detect though mostly through Usenet, and by knowledge of my discoveries, but in check by lack of official recognition, and still needing a regular job to make money. But karaoke was more like a celebrity experience for me.
By 2010 began to focus more, and had blogs by then including this one. My ego was even more in check, and began to pull back from ranting and raving about my situation or relentless talking about how AWESOME I must be with such discoveries.
Would leave San Francisco in 2012.
By 2012 was even more focused but math research had fallen to the side. And was more into other things like political theories and figuring out money, since it dawned on me would be nice to make some. So yeah, struggling with needing to make money? WILL push you to polite and getting along better with your fellow humans.
And now have reached a lot of peace with it all.
Put active research behind me, but promptly found one more math thing which shouldn't have surprised me. You kind of need to relax into research I think.
And, have finally pondered my global reality enough to get a better sense of it. Is still unsettling, but far more settled. Is often surprising, but at least makes sense to me now in ways just did not before.
Guess it does help having over a decade experience knowing you are globally known. Do appreciate the time.
It has been a great adventure. So many highs and lows. Unbelievable highs. Daunting lows. And now? More calm and appreciation. Learned so much!!!
Which is yet another take on things along with the others. Stopping myself as this thing is way longer than I thought it would be when I started. Who knows though where will be after editing.
Of course, like usual, I like to write, edit a bit, post and then edit more. Is my process.
James Harris
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