Trying not to use weird so much, so will say is remarkable that years ago when was thinking could maybe apply some problem solving tools to trying to do something of note, wanted something objective.
Was aware that with many things where is just about people's opinions then biases can rule.
But consider, am 18 years after introducing the world's latest major mathematical discipline. There is no concern in my mind will not be accepted eventually as is too useful, but the behavior around it has been much that I feared was possible.
Considering what happened to women has helped recently as so many situations where they were simply forced out of occupations that many thought had too much status, influence and money-making potential, and was relentlessly claimed was...what was claimed?
Reality is, when certain people gain status, influence and power, and also money, they may do all kinds of things to keep those things, and was odd that could break out along gender lines in ways we know now. Keep getting surprised. And the news is coming out so much now, thankfully.
Knew better how much could happen along other specious lines, like with the made-up idea of race, which we now know is a social construct, according to latest science.
Of course for me, trying to absorb being the person through which the ideas would flow to give the world a new major math discipline was hard enough. Took quite a few years just to admit it, even to myself, and even more to talk it freely.
My math discipline actually can encompass the others. Does encompass the others and lets you vastly simplify things. It is so useful would get results that look almost impossibly simple compared to what came before. Is one of the most brilliant accomplishments...I guess. You can do cool things with it.
Means that the suppression systems have just begun to fully understand, no matter what, run up against an absolute. Which is one of the pressures pushing them to crumble. With my things was inevitable, eventually. The web though has enabled so much more as the personal truths of so many are shattering so much wrong, rapidly. Thankfully. Is so weird though. So much I thought was one way, was really another.
My things are still up in the air in many ways though, which is ok. Gaining better perspective as to why? Priceless as the saying goes.
Guess feels like part of a purpose with so much. When trapped in something with so many other people, except I am global. Was not worried about not getting recognition. That's impossible. Was worried what to do with it. Now am getting a better sense.
If humans could stop great advances? We wouldn't have the tools like these computers or the web itself, or any of modern civilization.
Still why do some people try? THAT has been done. Maybe is just part of why stories need villains.
Because the real world provides so many. Is only way even fiction can gain some realism. The real world villains though usually are far nastier than in most fiction people want.
Have always worried what I would be. You want to be a hero watching movies, but with things I have, learn how easily it is to be something else. And wonder how you find solid ground.
Objective rules do not care. Truth does not change. And humanity gets one more story over which people can ponder.
Why really did I choose math? Can tell myself all kinds of things. Objective was better than relying on people's judgement. With objective could study how that could go as wrong and ruthless as possible.
Yet also, was there simply something inside that wanted to know? Or did the truth just want a way into our world? And through me, was the best route.
As kind of an afterword, can I now also finally admit, spent SO many years just asking myself silly questions? Was like, hey you might be some kind of big deal, so maybe you KNOW things, you know?
And am talking to myself. Was so very odd.
James Harris
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