Where is my celebrity? Should I know?

Realized years ago there was plus to having money so separate from my web activities as allowed me to learn as much as possible, without the pressures around occupation. To make money you obligate yourself in some way. Like for data entry I was expected to show up during the workweek to my job and do data entry among other things. But when learning can be hard to set proper expectations.

Also made it much more fascinating for me, as studied those web analytics showing such steady attention. Where reality is, was learning, and now with more than two decades of experience on the web, there is a realization know much as a result.

And was all separate from money.

There are two primary ways I get global attention: from cast off from my ideas which draw the bulk of attention, and from the conversation around things I put out there.

The conversation is where there is the possibility of celebrity, where for a long time I would claim to have none, as was unaware of conversation. Then admitted I probably had a little, and finally accepted I don't know. What I DO know is a lack of chatter from sources I've checked, where focused in areas really that dominated in the 20th century. Now am wondering how to check elsewhere.

But yeah, by various measures, have things that pull from 100+ countries every year where that has been true for around a decade.

(What does it take to interest people all over the world? Year after year after year? Guess I should know, eh?)

Can I simply give myself celebrity? Maybe to some extent, but I debate reasons where only one can muster is to make money from it. Even then would need money people as I like to call them. And would be pressured then to do things, like show up.

My attention reality regardless is really cool too though, of course. And is curious to ponder how can gather so much attention one way, without all of certain other. Readily admit, if up to me, would just as soon keep it that way. Is so weird though too. Celebrity IS just the conversation, and nothing else. If you don't have people chattering away, a certain way about you, then you escape many things.

However, cannot simply work to learn without ever putting into practice. And would like to make money. There are goals that are out of reach until I do, and is a good thing for society as well.

My own estimate is that the US economy has lost...too soon to do that yet. Because the situation is delicate. Ok yeah, inspired by cool lyrics from a certain person. I DO study celebrity. And study celebrities.

Watching them I consider my choices and decisions.

How many people get the luxury even without money of possibly simply...yet I keep wondering. Still there is progress. My caution is not stopping anything. Just am moving slowly, like a person on a frozen pond finally getting a sense where the ice is solid.

Or this post would not be published.


James Harris

Some speculative explanation

So maybe now a more complete story can be told, but with admitted speculation. So yeah since was 18 had an idea in mind wanted something big, where part of the reason was to debunk racist nonsense. And did focus on math, because it is objective. But wasn't until was 26, had what I now know to be my first major result, when went looking not just to keep my mind active, but had a run-in with a person I believe was racist. Part of me was like, am just going to fix this thing completely.

That result when I was 26 back in 1996 was rejected by an editor at a prestigious math journal as too simple. Where now am like, oh. Yeah you think he's saying too simple to be correct, but now am focusing more on social disruption. Also figure that result, which I knew could help in materials science, and things like molecular chemistry may have actually been picked up and used.

As messed up as may sound to us over 20 years later, part of me would shrug at that thought, and of course now know that December 1999 would come up with an approach that I found out September 2008, lets the math actually do the complex algebraic manipulations for you. Where now realize was completely disrupted myself during that period.

Was managing to do things. Spent much time talking math online. Felt like was running into resistance, but for me really was just trying to reprocess how to place myself in our world. And of course had accomplished my goals. But where was the recognition I expected?

And was working, at times, though struggling a bit there. Where things were going smoothly again finally in San Francisco when was doing data entry for a major insurance company. Now realize yeah, when I put a picture up in 2010? Yeah could have something to do with being made part of a layoff a little bit later.

Really was done for the most part with math things by 2012. And realize by now had some of the biggest things...well is hard to even write. And also knew had lots of attention on the web by SOME measures, while there was contradictory information. At one point was upset and out of it enough to contact my representatives in the US Congress. Was in San Francisco at the time. Asked them if they would investigate Google to check if they were messing with me with web stats. Office of the one senator to whom I sent was smart enough to reply, or nice enough. The one to a representative went unanswered. So I ranted about that person a bit online. I now realize for sure--that has an impact.

My assessment now is that social disruption was the primary reason early, and that race things may have played into it as I ranged, as some people maybe thought could leverage the techniques have been discussing lately. Which is probably lots of why I addressed now.

Because have a process for figuring out answers, where the truth works.

Then I can apply solutions--globally.

Where I also considered entertainment, and figured it needed improving. Where yeah, with me, means figured should improve entertainment, globally.

You see the pattern? I think is comforting, as I rarely will involve myself with things NOT global, and noted respect national boundaries. So when you get even more granular like down to regional levels? No way am involved unless am LIVING in that region, but then am more likely to use typical tools.

And at the local level? Just am like everyone else, mostly. Well I try to be. Where my methods are simply about relying on powerful truths! Which may work local to some extent, but so can yours, you know?

But yeah, when I work to solve things? You can notice I figure may as well solve as completely as possible, where will focus global routinely.

Now am thinking that yeah, these kinds of disruptions draw attention, and have faced people who maybe are trying to figure out what is going on--which is good! Who maybe also are doing things to try and contain me, which is bad, and probably illegal.

After all, am only doing legal things myself. Am sharing much, and trying to explain much. And reality is, have just figured out major things of great importance. Going after a major discoverer?

Just will not work well over time.

That effort to contain important information though to preserve a status quo? Well that can be functionally understood with its success. How different our world today if some Black guy had been trumpeted as a major math discover back in 1996? Probably not much different in my opinion.

That's a hard learned opinion though. In the past would get angry asking myself that question, so certain was facing effective suppression techniques. Now am not so sure.

People actually seem to have shifted much as if truth were widely known. Making me wonder. After all, the press is just one thing. And not even necessarily a very trusted thing in our times.

Knowledge can simply move.

But consider, now the big picture of how am so global? Lots of major discoveries where social disruption leading to territorial behavior gives much of the explanation for lack of proper press, but American racism probably plays into it later and to some degree. And world has thankfully had the benefits of my ideas, but maybe some concerns there about things currently going on.

Which to me is an interesting speculative explanation. To go along with so many other attempts at explaining. So why so much? Well have explained is not just about me figuring it out, but also needing to explain for others. With any explanation can check how helpful it is.


James Harris

Out of a shell and public facing

Does feel good to freely admit now was chasing math discovery as a reaction against American racism. Quietly resolved to not only find something that would blow away racist notions, but which could be done without a doubt. Which meant math.

Still am nervous on the subject though. Which I think is understandable.

Focus on math was to get around people fighting to deny the truth. Math has that ability to be perfectly provable.

And was right to so focus! Had accomplished my goal by summer 2002, and beyond my wildest dreams by 2004 with something else, and have done more since! And not surprisingly various systems pushed back so have been slowly teasing them apart, where weirdly enough not all were racist.

Where have explained those systems so here can talk more about other, like what happens to you when you have global reach, which for me was thanks to the web.

It messes with your mind.

People think it is about press and money and I thought so as well, until was dealing with things, and not having those just meant could process quietly without it being all over the press or embarrassing myself in situations around people with money.

Turns out the press just chases after people who get attention, usually. So was like am just one of the biggest they willfully ignored, and at first was mad then was glad! Especially as learn more about the reality of how things work. Usually for even most celebrities the press is a rarer thing which is about promotion, or is about something negative. So who cares?

When was in San Francisco, was often furious too as did not understand what was going on and was worried would not achieve my dreams when already had really but how to know? Also found myself strutting around at times like this huge global figure. Of course was looking not only at web stats which I emphasize but DOING things as well.

Like will admit did NOT directly influence the 2008 election in Obama's favor. But was active around that election in other ways. And have taken a position not to pick political figures, and not to influence elections. Which has been important overseas.

My view is that politicians should earn their positions, which means winning elections on merit.

So yeah, like am fascinated by British politics but by my ideals will not directly interfere with them. DO at times like to help make fun of them, but I know that is part of their culture, with some things just hilarious! Like here in the US we like ripping on presidents.

For nations that is important, so no--my one planet, many peoples and one human species philosophy is also about not interfering, where look at national boundaries as of HUGE importance. It would take quite a bit for me to cross that line and would talk it out much before would do it.

These are the kinds of things that press should have been questioning me on, and they know why, but for others sounds pretentious am sure, unless also know why, and maybe wondered. So no, despite my interest in the area was dedicated to the idea that any person for the presidency should earn the position on merit only. So will not endorse a candidate on something as specious as race, as am ONLY looking for merit. For now will not endorse any political candidate. That could change for the US only though.

Made up my own political party to help me in this area, which is not official so can claim myself as only one following it. Which helps me separate from others in American politics.

For years really went into a shell in many ways, which got worse when got laid off from my regular job doing data entry at a major insurance company. Maybe was more like what one would expect for a global figure. Happened after I decided needed to put my picture up. Decided was my duty to show a Black man in a different way, who had global reach.

The willful lack of discussion around me in certain areas IS deliberate am sure. And am like that kind of thing worked in the past. With me just lets me take you apart without you saying anything about it, if you are certain organizations like press or certain businesses or political people.

And have done it. Have done it many times and it amazes me that people can learn things that worked for over 150 years after slavery which do not work with the web, and quietly go down in flames, knowing am telling them am doing it. I like to let them know ahead of time, you know?

Ever more sophisticated techniques developed for a 20th century world. But in 21st century can simply explain them. And study them with some fascination. In essence were systems working to NOT have merit rules so mostly males who lacked sufficient ability, could be successful regardless.

Now their authority is being checked.

THAT is the part other people maybe do not witness and cannot understand when some dysfunctional yet powerful organization simply crumbles when I told them would do it, where will admit that requires help! And lots of it. And they just implode. Web enables. Or in other words do NOT completely understand how it all happens either just that it is possible because of the web.

Then headlines then around the world, but not the correct explanation.

Is important to admit I do NOT completely understand the process and was a source of much back-and-forth with myself for years. So you reality check, which is the other reason to inform ahead of time. But also found limits. And very important limits with web help in general, especially if was a personal problem, as in, never worked for a personal problem. Seemed to routinely work for global problems, and you can get a vast range of emotions on that one. Like I have this job without a paycheck for it, and realize, yeah, actually I do.

Leaving me with the task of also finding still a paying occupation, which also I learned has to be completely separate! Where for some time seemed so wrong, and now am like, oh, I understand better. Still is kind of thing is better to learn sooner than later--before you become impoverished. And have discussed my current financial desperation on another blog. Yup, talking a personal problem, so yeah DO keep trying. Do talk so many things out now.

And you think then I can simply be moved by being ignored? I think that is funny. Gave me time to process but have pushed myself recently as ponder my responsibilities. Part of me simply wished to just withdraw from the world as much as possible. And for years in many ways did, into a protective shell.

With much progress and the web picking up steam in shredding so many of those prior systems was ironic to note to myself, maybe I never needed my dream anyway. The web by allowing information to flow freely is helping radically debunk delusions of innate superiority of a ruthless and cruel few still left with them.

Regardless feels good that not only DID I achieve my goals, but was right--needed math. AND got to quietly process through reality of high levels of attention, without that making headlines around the globe.

Public facing is very important for me because is a constant thing with my global presence. My blogs and other social media do most of the heavy lifting there though. They are very good at it too. While my global is easily checked by others. And more and more understand a lot more about why certain things are done in certain ways, as reality is, for each of us, how we look public? Matters much.


James Harris

Weirdness of my money motivation

There can be a pressure to be creative which is useful. Still find myself endlessly rationalizing about my reasons. Then again, appreciating the products of the efforts over time.

Have been freely admitting have ran into financial difficulties which definitely have me talking things more. Before could just work a regular job like anyone else, as in just apply somewhere and work, where last for any length of time was for an insurance company doing data entry. Recently found placement through a Georgia state agency, which lasted a few months.

Yeah, but why would finding myself struggling financially push me to unload so much more in terms of assessment especially talking about rather remarkable things?

Well that does give intense motivation! Readily admit to myself and will here that if had found some solid revenue source? Is hard to imagine would be fighting these current battles. Probably would figure it not worth the risk. Makes me suspicious of myself too. However, am trying hard, so yeah must be some interference of some kind. Just need to figure it out.

Well am motivated--does NOT guarantee success. How do I improve the odds? How do I even figure out what they are? Still worry am working at properly defining the problem to a large extent.

That has been very difficult. Have done analysis on my blogs lots. Where this one seems to be focused lately more specifically to problem solving my personal financial concerns. That is pulling in much else as well. Has me pondering structure of global systems. And with previous analysis, determined no specific conspiracy focused on me, which is good. Wouldn't want one. Which am guessing was correct. Now am thinking: think broader to anything that could have suppression capability, not just for me either.

And to what extent should I worry that my belief of a vast system of deliberate suppression is nothing more than a realization of some psychological problem manifesting as a fantasy about our world?

Readily admit that is one reason focused more on experience of women.

Easier to step back and say, ok, forget about me, what would such a system look like, upon them?

Then yeah is obvious when you realize that women are just as intellectually capable as men.

Sure there has been much progress in many ways for women, in comparison to very harsh things in the past, but there are odd blocks which have been pushed to the forefront as tales of sexual predators fill the news.

Besides, now we have full scientific backing: women are JUST as intellectually capable as men. Must stay focused on that key fact as helps study situation accurately. Almost feel guilty emphasizing, as was there really a doubt, in my lifetime? And I don't think there was in educated circles. Most of my life feel like accepted that was true without thinking about it much, but was aware that others argued against.

Ok, so have keyed on women to get some distance from myself and my own experience. But still what about other options I might have taken to make ANY money?

Well have focused on money people, like talking how money people scare me and worrying how much value YOU and your work, on this blog. My analysis? They are part of the full system. And once again can look, yup, at women who with agents or management companies were not only underpaid, but also served up, to sexual predators.

Yeah but they are also key to my problem: and can't just dismiss them all.

Their quiet though, with someone like me? I have reach around the globe. Yes, focus on using for community primarily. Still is also weird. Am using weird so much in these posts. Is like though, even the money people are not behaving as if they want to make money, when it comes to me. What's up with THAT?

Looking yet again at what was done with women, consider: agents and management companies were LOSING money too, when they let their clients be underpaid!!! What gives?

So yeah, have learned much by making hypotheses and looking at women, especially in the US, to see: what would it look like if a VAST system were ruthlessly controlling to maintain certain things?

Skepticism is so powerful, but why? We have the key fact: no difference in intellectual ability.

Is definitely much worse than I thought possible, where web is getting that information out there! Kind of amazing to me really, how different from what I believed. Accepting the facts especially so brutal towards women beyond what I imagined possible, even here in the US, is also hard.

There is no way there could be disparities as seen in a free system. If merit ruled would see the fact reflected on intellectual capability.

Assessment: suppressing system is real. Can shift from myself and suppression with my ideas to what is STILL BEING DONE to women, to get perspective.


James Harris

Ideas and the City

There is a relief in walking away quietly, if metaphorically, when those ideas that pummeled your world view so fiercely, can be tamed by your human reality. Will not think about you now, can mutter, if not in words then in actions, like at a bar where can survey your fellow humans. Having fun then becomes the work that matters, especially after work that felt like it did not. Ideas push.

You can push back, and think about the day-job tomorrow. Do not drink too much.

Was a reality back then, in San Francisco, when balanced sanity like walking a tightrope, or so told myself. What others might think? Need we bother? Like I'd really ask. The alcohol might dull others but it simply slowed me down and I'd ponder that odd reality as realized that usually people look like they're moving in slow motion to me. If I let that idea dominate while ponder if it's true.

Looking at the bartender, another drink arrives. They know me well.

Such were the nights that could happen on a Thursday. And be out of the bar before 10 pm? Or definitely in time to be home by midnight, and to sleep rapidly. To get up, and go to the day-job where data entry would give me numbers to play. The relentless typing of number after number was restful in and of itself. Sometimes the ideas would wish to come out as well. But concentrate.

Am I accurate? Of course. The astonishing accuracy needed by people who do data entry might puzzle others. The kind of area where the naive think computers could take over or do a better job, but human beings can push to near perfection. My accuracy is of course at the level of a person working at a high level corporation, who literally helps millions of dollars find their homes.

The alcohol slowed me down for a night, but effects were gone by the next day. I rarely got hangovers.

Is that a blessing or an invitation? After work, would be back at the bar early, as was a karaoke bar then might manage to sing something, as Friday was one of the busiest nights. Sometimes would simply go elsewhere.

The ideas come back. They call again against my reality. They promise things to me.

A world they offer. I consider later in the night. Looking out at the lights of San Francisco in the wee morning, with the other denizens of the alternate city, when most have gone on, and a few partiers may mix with those going to work, or coming home from work, or the homeless who gather near the now gone Transbay terminal station and talk. They talk about life and dreams and freedom and I wonder about mine.

Sometimes could feel like the city would sing to me then. That San Francisco was the best friend who understood the dreams and the nightmares and accepted both. There was a freshness to the night, and a crispness to the thought, as ideas were peaceful as well, like sleeping dogs, waiting later for their day.

The Muni 108 would finally arrive and would ride back to Treasure Island. Back across the Bay Bridge to that island in the bay, by the City by the Bay. A cycle completed.

My ideas, would find me again.


James Harris

----------------------------

Can download your own copy as a PDF from my Google Drive here.

Update February 2024: Have an ebook wrote years ago with pics from SF time if curious go here.

When people value and work

A story that really got to me years ago was when a singer died and reportedly a party downstairs was kept going, showing to me the true value of that singer to the people in attendance.

Cannot get more stark than that in my opinion.

And found myself thinking of horses, and how a person could greatly care for a horse. And if was a racing horse do much to try and maintain that horse, especially if it won a lot of races, but still to that person, be to that person just a horse.

Shows part of my problem when considering agents and management companies as to that fear.

How do you know? How do you know when people value YOU as a human being AND your work?

Am working on that problem along with some others as shift focus to that odd reality, when you are talking to someone who needs your ability for some thing, where you will get some kind of revenue, or more likely for someone in my position, needing people talking on my behalf with that someone.

And that reality snuck up on me too.

Web enables much. Including getting to an attention position that previously required what I like to call silos. Silos through which a person progresses in order to GET to more attention levels, where there are processes within those silos. Processes with often huge institutions to get to global, where you deal with certain things along the way, like money. With the web can just be, hey put out some ideas! Why not? Should be fun. Has been fun. Now just have to play catch-up on the rest.

So much easier when you go on an interview at some job, where like with data entry, is rather obvious what that entails. If interview is successful, look at the usual contract without thinking how will change it. And listen to whomever gives that spiel about company procedures, and eventually settle into some work space, and that's it. And plan on being there indefinitely.

Versus have someone acting as a representative on your behalf to help procure and negotiate a contract, which you study with your attorney or attorneys, modifying as necessary, which specifies what you will do for what remuneration for what period of time. And oh yeah, with me, has firm exit clauses if other party fails to live up to...talking fantasy. Haven't had one of those yet.

Figuring out those people in-between becomes an important life skill. And how do you learn THAT one?

When you've never needed them before?


James Harris

Weird comfort without money

One thing has emerged as a major psychological thing for me has been a weird comfort in the discomfort of struggling with money. But is so sad, but also telling, as my finances tumbled got fewer distractions as people disappeared on me. That is classic so not grousing, just noting.

But yeah, dismissed some things, like web attention too much which I think was about willful denial. So put my picture up on the web! Should be fun. Told myself could represent a Black guy in a way the world rarely sees. So many global are known for sports, arts and entertainment, or political position.

I'm known for math, and other ideas. I'm an idea guy.

There are few people at all regardless of gender or race who are globally known primarily on the basis of the thoughts that have come from their minds. And still keep coming I should note, like here now. Global pull for musing? I know I like it.

Soon after decided should put my picture up, got put into a general layoff at company where was doing data entry, which I liked to call, my day-job. But I could rationalize it. Was part of a group layoff, was last hired even though had been there 5 years. Now am like, maybe the picture finally up had something to do with it, but then again, maybe not.

Regardless, have been working at mysteries lately. One of the things I pointed out is that I use a simple meta process: introduce better ideas and expect people to choose better.

Naively have also figured with certain ideas that DO draw attention as mention much, they'd also bring attention to ME, so I've spent more time preparing for and dreading that attention, and definitely NOT pursuing it. Which lets me do things, like social media, my way. I actually pride myself on how somehow I limit my Twitter account. Is so cool.

However, have to make money. Is just how society works. And definitely want to pull my own weight, where feel like yeah, have valuable ideas, but you also have to have realized value in the form of remuneration for your efforts, which is income. And facing my situation involves not claiming is rationalization about the web impact, when I know what has happened trying to get jobs since then.

But hey, being a business and realizing some person somehow, someway gets global attention? That has to become part of your business plan or more appropriately, is an unacceptable business risk. I DO quietly note to myself when some company proudly talks its global, if it even has, and am like, I'm in more countries than THAT. And there must be a way to make money that way but is a longterm thing.

Oh, so other problem is yeah, my ideas do as I say they do. And then others do what I think is weird. Other people have become the mystery, who know the story, and for the most part from my perspective are TOO quiet. What's up with that?

So am blogging two current problem areas. This blog has been working hard to work through problems relevant, and has made great progress. Am expecting rapid answers in these areas as well. And gave myself permission with public notice days ago, to use all necessary steps within law, and within my own rules, so no worries!

Should be fun.


James Harris

Valuing lessons learned

Has been a harder road for me, which I realize I now strangely relish. When I found my prime counting function back August 2002, went to established authority, and left a high paying job as a software developer to focus. Was a leap of faith, which I now recognize as faith in those establishment authorities.

Did not work out well.

As money dwindled also found my sense of reality went too. How did I know anything or believe anything?

Things were coming back together when moved to San Francisco summer of 2005. One of the more pivotal moments for me? Staring at a smartphone. Appreciating functional, and finding ways to logically rebuild my view of reality.

That arrival of a functional perspective has been pivotal in my life from then on.

San Francisco felt perfect. Was like a dream in so many ways. Working at clerical duties by day, including LOTS of data entry which was like an odd kind of paradise, typing in numbers hour after hour while working on math problems in my head. And at night? So much time at the Mint, a local karaoke bar. When first got to the City, was going most nights of the week!

Felt like was living a really great movie. If I gave more details would sound like it too.

So much my faith in established authority remained.

When was surprised by being laid off, on the day of the parade for the SF Giants for winning their first World Series, seemed like an opportunity to me! Found myself focusing yet again on establishment authority and decided to work at my web presence while relying on savings, yet again. You'd think I've have learned the first time, eh?

However have learned SO many lessons. And this time took my functional approach across things like money, and science, and eventually entertainment. Oh yeah, and some politics. Maybe even falling in love with the thrill of answers to things I hadn't even known to ask before.

Thought I knew so much about so many things before, where was so wrong. Like what is money, really?

Sure have a degree in physics and a vast knowledge of lots of things, from human history to mythology and, am I bragging now? Regardless, so much more to try to learn, and share.

Sharing became part of my modus operandi enabled by the web.

So many ideas found, and put on the web, like on this blog.

So are just out there now. What value? I love that question.

Reminds me how pursuits have often had an idealistic quality to them in human history, when NOT money focused, where pursuit of knowledge to me is the greatest one. But explaining to others? Not fun. Struggling financially most of the time. Even less fun. Feeling worthless at times? Heartbreaking.

Until focus returns. How do we value what?

Questions can be so much about the life found. If not asked, what reason to take that path less chosen?

I ask a LOT of questions. Answers? Think have found some.

Most importantly have learned a certain peace with myself and my reality. Foundations secure, in my mind.

And write then I edit, and wonder to myself. So yeah, lots self-reflective where is easier to just use that convenient word meta. As I reference my own experience, and in editing wonder about that much self focus.

That editor part of me kind of shrugs and just continues. This aspect of myself gets the last word, of course.


James Harris

Facing fear of attention?

Years ago was doing ok in San Francisco having finally gotten over most of my rage at not having some math results of mine--properly acknowledged in my opinion, but also was just having so much fun which surprised me. Got there and went from temp to perm with a job doing data entry. Found myself a regular at the top karaoke spot, and convinced myself only a few things were lacking. Like wanted to find THE woman of my life and figure out how to make money from the web things. I admitted much of that in a short post a little over a year ago that took me a bit to find. as wanted to link to it for this post.

Have had two problems wrestled with for over a decade: trying to get attention for my ideas, and wary of too much attention, from my ideas.

But yeah imagine you have Google telling you with web stats that you have visitors from over 100 countries and you don't quite understand it, and things you try don't work the way you figure they should.

Like I can promote anything I want globally. What happens when I try? Well that depends....

So I worked out the rules as best I could and focused a lot on this blog on figuring out money and promotion and other things. But notice I will not explain certain things, like maybe will at least mention celebrity but will not explain. There's another word I just will not mention at all, which starts with an 'f'.

To me that's cheating. But am trying to be more honest as am getting in my own way enough that as these two conflicting aspects of myself battle with each other, am looking for a resolution. For a long time the wary side has held sway. So yeah was a HUGE event for me back September 2010 after Labor Day to actually put up a photo of myself, which I've used ever since. To me that was an astonishing event that I decided to do such a thing.

Since have used other photos and even have an Instagram which had even more, until posting to it stopped, over two years ago. Though am actually on Instagram every day, but looking at other people's photos.

Do I want celebrity? Nope. Not even a little bit of it. But do I need some celebrity? Yes, if I want to make money from my ideas. Lots of analysis for years with me checking and re-checking and testing other options has left me with that conclusion.

I've been proud of rejecting celebrity though for too long. And it definitely wasn't always the case but had a fantasy before. That fantasy just seemed like endless fun. That's how fantasy works. When the reality was definitely possible found myself immediately rejecting. Still have worked at being prepared.

For me karaoke was a deliberate way to try and learn certain things which worked great. Why I bring it up so much. Learned a lot of good lessons from it. But could only learn so much.

Also watch a lot of documentaries.

Is SO depressing to some extent...stop saying that, must tell myself. I have to stop looking at the negatives relentlessly, depressing myself with tales of tragic celebrity which I study endlessly.

If you know about what I claim and study the timeline you'd know I've had about 21 years to contemplate many things, with a certainty of certain things in the last 13 years, which will be 14 years in August.

Now to achieve my goals I have to learn to step from behind the curtains. That sounds so histrionic to me. Other way to say it is, to get the relationships I want I have to do things maybe not as comfortable to me.

This post is kind of me trying to gently convince myself and maybe informing others? Is hard. I've been SO successful one way. Working to find more success changing a bit--but not too much.


James Harris