Will work on figuring out monetary success

Realized much to my horror there was a bizarre kind of attitude in my mind around money, despite how much I study it, was having some perverse pleasure in lacking much if any of it. Which is not just hard on you, but also on your family and community, and as have struggled financially have been relying much on others.

Maybe also was playing into some kind of a monk mentality. Which to me IS delusive, wanting to be more than I am? Maybe. Way past time to thoroughly dismiss.

Still leaves the problem of the actual, what to do?

Of course has been hard to figure out much, with so much new with the web! And was worth it to figure out, where do not regret that, but has been like going back to school. Would actually have nightmares repeatedly where was back in school...but schooltime must be over.

Whether I like it or not, have to go with what have figured out at THIS point with the web still evolving, and just pressure myself with more intensity, which with me? Telling myself public in this way often actually helps.

I reread my own writing a lot, which probably makes it seem simpler as I post then edit, and edit and edit in an endless process. Which means this post will get read over and over.

So message to me: get with it! Am tired of not having any money!!! Figure it out! Ok?

Yeah it better be ok or will really unload on you next time, self. Get with it!!! No more excuses!

Joking with myself. It works too. Yeah, as re-reading, but still what will work? For work that pays what I need? And not even needing much! Used to seem so easy. Now bizarrely hard, what gives?

Will be refining efforts with a lot less, extra. The idea of spending vast amounts of time exploratory with basic research has got to go. Is just reality that part of being an adult human in the modern world usually is having some kind of paying occupation.

Have done before. But now find my web presence has shifted what is available.

Is past time for me to find my new one. Web has removed some possibilities. Am sure has opened the door to others.