Over 23 years pondering much

Decided on April 15, 1995 as my date for when really started pondering much with the idea of actually getting something BIG, where picked USA tax day so wouldn't forget. Which makes me somewhat suspicious now over 23 years later, but have also said before has to be close to actual date.

And maybe was a bit pretentious of me at the time, in my mid-twenties but had treasured my own dream since was 18 years old of figuring SOMETHING out major. And back then had decided would need to be math, for objective reasons.

Even earlier had read kid biographies of some of my heroes like Sir Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein, whom I mention as pertinent in this area. Like I wondered at times, if lived in their times, with what they knew, could I have figured out what they did? And to me such was the impossible dream, which is what I told myself.

So also note realized was a great opportunity to exercise my mind. And all along was making sure would have something valuable no matter what, even if could not reach what then I made myself think of, as an impossible dream. Though now realize how part of me could also realize was maybe possible. My main thinking for a long time was that maybe modern problem solving techniques might make a difference, against old problems.

There was other complexity to my thinking as well where have explained more recently. And yes, also felt like was on a Quixotic quest at times. Is fun. Helps keep things in perspective to be so honest.

As then could comfort myself: even if I failed at least I knew upfront what was up against. And would constantly work to make sure would not be left with nothing for my efforts, if only had benefits of relentless training. Relentless training can be so cool as long as you make certain is not damaging in ANY way. That part have debated with myself as to how well achieved, especially with so much time spent.

Of course have mentioned before taught myself calculus at 12 because Albert Einstein did. Which to me is also a value in even those kiddie biographies though they tend to leave out much, which is appropriate thing to do recognizing maturity is important.

And I did have my degree in physics from Vanderbilt University for many reasons. Where main reason for the choice is because I had the ability. But also yeah, quite a few of my heroes since childhood were physicists. I would not go on to become one though, as did not pursue graduate studies.

And the web had been around of course but much in terms of making useful was maturing around that time. Where I DO need to keep a record as had to check as Google wasn't around yet. The web was kind of this new thing where people were trying to figure out what good it was. And wasn't that easy to find things.

Eventually I'd end up on Usenet talking math, where now wonder when got on through Google Groups. Thought was in 1996, but if Google was founded in 1998, guess it wasn't. Oh, I think Google bought something or other? I do need to keep a better record of how I do things or end up puzzling much, years later.

Wasn't until 2005 that blogs were big enough and big enough in my mind that I started ones, like this one! Though their existence back then was far less, stable. I'm not sure how many I deleted. I know one of my current ones was deleted and brought back. I don't think I deleted this one, but am not sure if did and brought back.

Glossing over other web efforts as looking more at the big picture here.

And didn't really get to social media other than blogs, which I consider social media, until got on Twitter which I know happened a bit over 9 years ago. Thanks to Twitter for reminding me where now also have plenty of other social media.

Well this post was useful. Thinking to myself maybe need to work more at putting down pertinent facts as get vague over time. And then I find myself wasting mental energy trying to remember details. Or just chattering away with wrong ones, like thought Google was around earlier in my own story.

Oh, so have talked much more in LOTS of other posts about my achieving my dreams, where now am more transparent on the full details. And so much may look like a work in progress to others. When if it were?

I'd still be doing more pondering. Now am more wondering, and talking things out.


James Harris