Valuing lessons learned

Has been a harder road for me, which I realize I now strangely relish. When I found my prime counting function back August 2002, went to established authority, and left a high paying job as a software developer to focus. Was a leap of faith, which I now recognize as faith in those establishment authorities.

Did not work out well.

As money dwindled also found my sense of reality went too. How did I know anything or believe anything?

Things were coming back together when moved to San Francisco summer of 2005. One of the more pivotal moments for me? Staring at a smartphone. Appreciating functional, and finding ways to logically rebuild my view of reality.

That arrival of a functional perspective has been pivotal in my life from then on.

San Francisco felt perfect. Was like a dream in so many ways. Working at clerical duties by day, including LOTS of data entry which was like an odd kind of paradise, typing in numbers hour after hour while working on math problems in my head. And at night? So much time at the Mint, a local karaoke bar. When first got to the City, was going most nights of the week!

Felt like was living a really great movie. If I gave more details would sound like it too.

So much my faith in established authority remained.

When was surprised by being laid off, on the day of the parade for the SF Giants for winning their first World Series, seemed like an opportunity to me! Found myself focusing yet again on establishment authority and decided to work at my web presence while relying on savings, yet again. You'd think I've have learned the first time, eh?

However have learned SO many lessons. And this time took my functional approach across things like money, and science, and eventually entertainment. Oh yeah, and some politics. Maybe even falling in love with the thrill of answers to things I hadn't even known to ask before.

Thought I knew so much about so many things before, where was so wrong. Like what is money, really?

Sure have a degree in physics and a vast knowledge of lots of things, from human history to mythology and, am I bragging now? Regardless, so much more to try to learn, and share.

Sharing became part of my modus operandi enabled by the web.

So many ideas found, and put on the web, like on this blog.

So are just out there now. What value? I love that question.

Reminds me how pursuits have often had an idealistic quality to them in human history, when NOT money focused, where pursuit of knowledge to me is the greatest one. But explaining to others? Not fun. Struggling financially most of the time. Even less fun. Feeling worthless at times? Heartbreaking.

Until focus returns. How do we value what?

Questions can be so much about the life found. If not asked, what reason to take that path less chosen?

I ask a LOT of questions. Answers? Think have found some.

Most importantly have learned a certain peace with myself and my reality. Foundations secure, in my mind.

And write then I edit, and wonder to myself. So yeah, lots self-reflective where is easier to just use that convenient word meta. As I reference my own experience, and in editing wonder about that much self focus.

That editor part of me kind of shrugs and just continues. This aspect of myself gets the last word, of course.


James Harris